Dating etc

Someone please take me into a field and shoot me.

I'm chatting ~trying to~to someone on POF (plenty of fish) and fuck me......I'm fucking things up, one awkward message at a time.

~I dunno why am on pof either, I think it's because it seems to be where all the lesbians are at....I'm finding it really difficult to meet someone~

I don't think I'm cut out for this whole flirting or whatever online. I mean, I'm not very good at it in real life either but at least, in real life, you can actually see whoever you're talking to.
Also, it seems like everyone on the internet just wants a quick shag and that's not really what I'm into...plus, I'm not very good at the whole sexy talk thing, Even though I can't see who I'm talking to, it just feels like a super cringe-fest.
Sure, sex is nice or whatever ~apparently~but I don't just want sex. I want someone that I can talk to and have fun with, like a best friend but with different boundaries. I wish I could find someone to have a nice, healthy relationship with.

But, alas, I will most likely die single, with about a million cats.

~I started writing this on Monday before the depression hit, so that's where my change of contextual tone is coming from. I don't even know if that makes sense, 'contextual tone', but fuck it, it has a nice wee ring to it....and it sounds like it makes sense.~

Sometimes I think it might be easier, to die alone, easier than constantly-when it comes to meeting people or going out-having to come out. Being hit with shit like; "Are you sure? Have you ever even been with a guy? Maybe you just haven't found the right man? And my favorite, the one that smashes through my psyche, like a fucking million tonne bus on fire, EVERY SINGLE TIME....."you don't look gay".

I know sexuality doesn't have a certain look or whatever but there are stereotypes and prejudices outwith and within the LGBTQ+ community, that make people think there are-[certain looks]. And as long as people have these false beliefs, people will struggle.

~I think that perhaps, I'm starting to make very little sense. It's 8am and yet again, I haven't slept and my brain feels like its turning into a mushy mess of depression, sleep deprivation, and a random-ass dictionary. I'll probably update this at some point as I've still got a few things to say on this topic but for now, I'm just gonna leave it as it is.~

I hope y'all are having a fabulous morning, day, evening and night!