Overthinking

I think I've been thinking about this too much.
I keep worrying about what I can and can't write about.
This may seem stupid but I'm low-key (high-key) terrified that if I write (talk?) about anything too controversial or that has a lot of stigmas surrounding it, my parents will shout at me. Or not shout, but give me the look.
You know the one I'm talking about?
The "wtf were you thinking, your so embarrassing" look.
I don't even live with my parents and I don't think they read this......
Plus, what could they even do?
Still gives me the fear for some reason though.

I'm also scared of people, people reading what they see here and using it against me.

I want to write about my experiences and views but I'm scared.
People online are scary.
It's basically a lawless world out there.

I think I'm overthinking this right now.

To combat this, I've added this video:

I've been feeling very stressed recently, like life is throwing all the shit it can at me.

I've got a million ideas about things and about a million drafts but my head feels fucked. 

I can't stop worrying about everything. 

I worry that I don't post often enough, that I talk about myself too much, that nobody actually reads this. I worry that my blog isn't good enough within the vast ocean of billions on the internet. 

That I'm depressing and annoying.

~I'm having another sleepless night, so if this doesn't make sense, that's why~

I hope y'all have a stress free Monday :)

Dating etc

Someone please take me into a field and shoot me.

I'm chatting ~trying to~to someone on POF (plenty of fish) and fuck me......I'm fucking things up, one awkward message at a time.

~I dunno why am on pof either, I think it's because it seems to be where all the lesbians are at....I'm finding it really difficult to meet someone~

I don't think I'm cut out for this whole flirting or whatever online. I mean, I'm not very good at it in real life either but at least, in real life, you can actually see whoever you're talking to.
Also, it seems like everyone on the internet just wants a quick shag and that's not really what I'm into...plus, I'm not very good at the whole sexy talk thing, Even though I can't see who I'm talking to, it just feels like a super cringe-fest.
Sure, sex is nice or whatever ~apparently~but I don't just want sex. I want someone that I can talk to and have fun with, like a best friend but with different boundaries. I wish I could find someone to have a nice, healthy relationship with.

But, alas, I will most likely die single, with about a million cats.

~I started writing this on Monday before the depression hit, so that's where my change of contextual tone is coming from. I don't even know if that makes sense, 'contextual tone', but fuck it, it has a nice wee ring to it....and it sounds like it makes sense.~

Sometimes I think it might be easier, to die alone, easier than constantly-when it comes to meeting people or going out-having to come out. Being hit with shit like; "Are you sure? Have you ever even been with a guy? Maybe you just haven't found the right man? And my favorite, the one that smashes through my psyche, like a fucking million tonne bus on fire, EVERY SINGLE TIME....."you don't look gay".

I know sexuality doesn't have a certain look or whatever but there are stereotypes and prejudices outwith and within the LGBTQ+ community, that make people think there are-[certain looks]. And as long as people have these false beliefs, people will struggle.

~I think that perhaps, I'm starting to make very little sense. It's 8am and yet again, I haven't slept and my brain feels like its turning into a mushy mess of depression, sleep deprivation, and a random-ass dictionary. I'll probably update this at some point as I've still got a few things to say on this topic but for now, I'm just gonna leave it as it is.~

I hope y'all are having a fabulous morning, day, evening and night!

Random Thoughts

Do you ever feel like doing something really impulsive? Like, just randomly, while on a bus or train, bursting into a random ass dance party? Just letting go of all your worries about what people will think and letting whatever you're listening to fill your soul?

 I feel like doing that a lot. I don't think I'd actually have the confidence to ever do it but its funny to imagine. Sometimes I imagine the whole bus turning into a mad silent disco rave, everyone dancing and enjoying themselves, looking happy.

It'd be really cool if that actually happened, like as part some kind of program to improve peoples mental wellbeing.....First Dance-Happy buses.....ScotdanceRail...lol.

I wonder who I could pitch that idea to.

I feel like this is the kind of idea that would probably be shot down and I'd probably be asked questions about the intactness of my sanity or lack thereof. Maybe not though, you never know until you try I guess.

I think maybe I'll pitch it to someone in a couple of years, once weeds been legalised and everyone's chilled out a bit.

I don't think anyone's really chilled out at the moment, every day there's a story about how ultimately fucked everyone and everything is. And if you think that's bullshit and I'm just being negative, all you need to do is look at America and see that they have a reality tv person (I can't find it in myself to call him a 'star' in any context, so he's just a person~who is a massive cunt) as their President. What the actual fuck, with a fuckin moldy cherry on top? He's an idiot. He's a bigot and a truly hateful person. He's also an idiot, did I mention? The fact that he's not been impeached yet seriously concerns me and his behavior online.....frankly, I think he is a serious threat to the national security of several, maybe all countries including his own.

One example ~of many~ of his sheerly disgusting nature is that he plans to put a limit on the number of refugees allowed into the US, bringing it down from an already measly 45,000 people to the diabolical number of only 30,000 people.

Really seems like a great guy doesn't he?
So very charitable and kind, a true humanitarian soul.

No.
He's a cunt.
Not a good cunt.
The worst cunt.

Anyhoo, before I write a whole blog book about everything inherently wrong and fucked up about politics and society or freeze to death (I'm sitting in a greenhouse), I gonna go.

I hope y'all are having a lovely evening, night, day and morning! :)

Vegan Cornettos

I planned to tell y'all about the residential I went on last week but my mind is feeling a bit too jumbled to remember stuff at the moment. So instead, I am going to talk about the 'Vegan Cornetto'.

~Might be extremely boring...might not be~

I recently picked up a box from Tesco, not really thinking about it. I think it was the only cheap but nice looking thing I could see, so voilà...it bounced into my basket.
It was also 4am and I was losing the will to live.

On opening the box, there are four Cornettos; all of which are gluten-free and soy based. The actual ice cream looks like your bog standard Cornetto; a picturesque ice cream cone with professionally placed toppings. The dark chocolate of the topping is subtle but sweet, gorgeously accented by a sprinkle of hazelnuts. The actual ice cream is beautifully creamy without the heavy feeling that dairy products tend to bring. And finally, the crown of the Cornetto, the fucking heavenly chocolate cone that graces the bottom of every single Cornetto (to my knowledge).....it was perfect. It was beautifully chocolaty, just pure, simple vegan perfection. It was so good, I had to double check it was definitely dairy free!
I would highly recomend, 1000000%  ^_^

I hope y'all are having a wonderful night, morning, day and evening!  ^_^