Sadness

Do you ever just feel sad? Like, for no particular reason at all?
I do, sometimes.
You're probably thinking, isn't that depression?
Nope.

I feel like with depression it's deeper and darker.....with sadness, it's more of a simple pain. Like a single snowflake hitting your shoulder in a thunderstorm. Rain thrashing all around you and yet only a single snowflake. The simple complexity of sadness. I type (say) "simple complexity" because sadness, much like the snowflake, is complex in its own right....but so simple compared to depression. Sadness is like an old friend, depression is the monster that used to live under your bed or in your wardrobe.


Did you know that snowflakes, despite their simple appearance, feature the whole electromagnetic spectrum of light? Isn't that amazing? That something so small and so delicate and so seemingly insignificant is filled with a whole other world of beauty and light. Sadness is like that because without sadness you wouldn't be able to appreciate the happy, joyous moments of your life and I think that that shows that snowflakes and sadness are one and the same.


~My friend is currently telling me all about how Pharmacies and Pharmacology degrees work and I'm not really sure why... I think I asked her something about a story she was telling me but I'm not really sure at this point. I now know a bit more about pharmacies than I previously did~

I hope everyone's having a wonderful night, morning, day and evening :)

Alcohol

I got really drunk last night and accidentally posted the link for this on my Instagram and I'm kinda feeling a wee bit of pressure to post stuff now...

~I'm not going to delete it though as I did plan to share this at some point or another....silver linings I guess~

And a wee bit of fear, mainly because I've got people from High School on there and I dunno, that shit still really scares me.

You're probably wondering why I'm still typing  (talking?) to you at this point, knowing what I know and it's because I need to break away from all that. I need to stop being afraid. 

I'm still terrified..... ~nervous chuckles be happening right about now~

Even though I left 2 years ago ~I feel like I'm talking about prison lol~ and there's no way I could ever end up back there, hopefully, I have this innate fear in me that people from then are still going to say shit to me. That people are going to bully me.

I feel like a bit of a wet leaf......

Ahhhhhhhhhh anxiety stuffs.......

Anyways, I hope y'all are having a fabulous morning, day, evening and night! :) 

Early Morning Ramblings

I can't sleep.
I feel really depressed.
Nothing new there.

I've been trying to correct my sleep cycle for a couple of days now, I know "a couple" of days isn't really much at this point but I thought, at least, with the early mornings I'd get early nights. But *NOOOOO! (*emphasis on that), I don't think I'm gon be sleeping for another few hours yet. I bet some of y'all be thinking that being online doesn't help and it doesn't. It really doesn't. But neither does lying in darkness, being flooded with thoughts and worries about everything, waiting for sleep to creep up. So...I kinda feel like being online is the slightly better option for me at the moment.

I bought a load of Wasabi Seaweed Thins today. You are probably all wondering (if anyone reads this lol) why I mention this... And the reason is...no reason. I just enjoy them. Plus, writing-even though it's just random shite-is saving me from boredom right now. Or depression. I think depression makes everything really boring, like all the colors have been sucked out of the world. It's like walking around with your head stuck in a thick foggy cloud. It really fucking sucks. Obviously, there are things you can do to make it a bit easier but sometimes or often, you just can't shake it off. It stays anchored in your chest and throat (or wherever you feel it) refusing to budge for the next few hours, weeks, months etc. Those times you just have to kinda ride out the wave, try not to let it overpower you. "Just keep swimming", as Dorey from Finding Nemo famously said.


I think I'm going to try and get some sleep now, this took a fair wee while write despite how short it is. I hope y'all are having a lovely day, evening, morning and night! :)

Expectations

I think I've been overthinking this way too much...by like, 5 months...

With my first post coming out as well as it did(in my opinion), I'm really proud of myself (a wee bit sappy I know), but I think it's made me set unrealistic goals for myself. I expect myself to be able to just spin out a fantastic blog post but it's not gonna work that way, well at least not for me. I think I'm going to be posting a mix of long, short and all in between from now on.