Grief

Grief is like an ocean,
one minute your surfing its waves,
sun shining down,
a melancholy sadness
hangs in the air.

You remember all the times you spent together,
whether good or bad.
It's sad and it's painful,
but you accept that death is part of life.

Grief feels heavy.
Heavy like your wearing a suit made of rocks.
A suit made of rocks, a boulder at your heart

 of random memories,
the next,
your drowning,
being dragged down by rocks

your weeping into your coffee,
drowning in an ocean.

******

This poem doesn't necessarily make sense but neither does grief.  

23/01/19

Got my laptop fixed. Woohoo!

Today I got my laptop back after it being broken for about a month or so....praise hallelujah I've got my electric baby back.

~My cat is my real, non-electric, baby ❤🐈~

When I dropped my phone in a bucket of bleach and it was fucked for a couple of days (until it worked the power of resurrection on itself), I was a wee bit bummed out about it but I wasn't really that bothered. It was more of a blessing than a bummer kinda thing. But when my laptop suddenly died mid rapid research/netflix binge, I was absolutely fucking devastated. Although I didn't actually take it into the shop until last week~due to anxiety but more on that later~the time spent without it has been, for lack of a better word, dire. Absolutely fucking dire. I know I could've spent my time reading or drawing or being creatively productive in some form-I did a bit-, but there's just something about writing (and publishing, now) that I find life extremely boring without. I did put a few posts to paper but it's just not the same...I like being able to share my work. Even if only 1 or 2 people, or even if nobody reads this, I like seeing my work, on my blog, for my own benefit. It makes me feel so proud that I'm managing to get my words out, managing to share my voice after so long of feeling trapped by anxiety. Anxiety is an on-going struggle for me but I'm taking steps to combat it; this blog being one.